Man Finds Bear Nappin’ Under His Porch
• Fella named Matthew Eaton in Lake Tahoe, Cali, found a big ol’ black bear takin’ a snooze under his wooden porch.
• Instead of dialin’ on 911, Matty decided to handle the situation himself and try to coax the bear away, which, bless his heart, is scarier than tryin’ to borrow my mama’s car.
• He tried using a mop and a handful of other objects to wake the bear up and scoot him on his way. Hon, I nearly dropped my sweet tea just thinkin’ ‘bout it.
• Fortunately, despite the risky move, Matthew managed to finally get the bear to lumber away without anyone gettin’ hurt.
• Animal control experts advised against folkin’ dealing with wild animals on their own. They’re more unpredictable than my second cousin at a potluck dinner when he gets a tad too familiar with the moonshine.
“Beary” Unsettling Situation in Lake Tahoe
Eaton Finds Sleepy Gatecrasher Under Porch, Ignites Intrigue
Well, butter my biscuit, ain’t this a tale to tickle your ribs? Now, I ain’t gonna condone what our brave (or bless his heart, maybe just plain foolish) Matthew Eaton did. Y’all, when you see a bear – I repeat, A BEAR – lounging under your porch, the right course of action ain’t wakin’ it up with a mop like you’re playin’ an extreme game of cowboys and indians. This ain’t no teddy bear tea party, sugar.
No, sirree! You pick up that phone faster than a hound dog on a squirrel’s trail and you dial them three magic numbers: 911. Animal control knows how to handle these situations, ’cause they’re trained – unlike the rest of us average Joes and Janes who about near pee our pants at the sight.
And remember, darlin’, leave the wranglin’ to the experts. You don’t want to end up like ol’ Cousin Jimmy who thought he could outwrestle a raccoon over last Thanksgiving’s leftovers. Boy, oh boy, that was a mess, ain’t nobody got time for that. So stay safe out there, folks. And remember, there’s only one type of bear you want on your porch, and that’s the one holdin’ a bottle of honey bourbon!
Now, ain’t that just the cat’s meow?!
Original article: https://www.whiskeyriff.com/2023/12/14/go-bear-lake-tahoe-man-confronts-monster-black-bear-napping-underneath-his-porch/